it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Randomize
