I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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