it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
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