we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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