It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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