That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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