im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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