You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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