Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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