you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
