I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
