My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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