You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
