tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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