here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
