I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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