Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
