I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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