Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Randomize