You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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