this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Randomize
