I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
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