piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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