well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Randomize
