Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
