Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
