Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
