I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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