she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
