Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Randomize