Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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