hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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