She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
