i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
