I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
