Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize