he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I could make wine with my vomit
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Randomize
