You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
