Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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