I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
