i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
3 2 1 whiskey
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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