as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize