remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
just come out here and I will go home with you...
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
