I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
