hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize