Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I just gift wrapped bread.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
