its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
