So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
