I hate your face
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
