I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
