if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
