My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
