Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
