a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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