Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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