omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Randomize
