Dude my mom stole all your condoms
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
