Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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