All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
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