I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
