good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize