I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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