I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize