Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
