Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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