Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
