Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
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